PERFORMANCE HISTORY
- Soprano, Combined Choirs / Foothills Festival Singers, Morganton, NC, 2011-2018
- Soprano, Chancel Choir, First Baptist Church, Morganton, NC, 2003-2018
- Soprano, Hickory Choral Society, Hickory, NC, 2000-2004
- Soprano, Shenango Valley Chorale, Sharon, PA, 1995-2000 (soloist)
- Soprano, Penn State Shenango Campus Singers, Sharon, PA, 1995-2000
- Soprano, Sanctuary Choir, First Presbyterian Church, Sharon, PA, 1997-2000 (soloist)
- Student, Vocal Performance, Dana School of Music, Youngstown State University, Youngstown, OH, 1999 (the school awarded me a partial scholarship, but I had to withdraw due to financial constraints)
- Soprano, Valley Lyric Opera Chorus, Sharon, PA, 1997-1998 (1 supporting role)
- Soprano, Shenango Valley Chorale Madrigal Ensemble, Sharon, PA, 1995-1998
- Soprano, Thiel College Choir Community Concert Series, Greenville, PA, 1997-2000
- Student, private voice lessons with voice coach Mary Beth LoScalzo, Sharon, PA, 1996-2000
- Soprano, Choral Ensemble, Slippery Rock University, Slippery Rock, PA, 1991-1994
- Soprano, North Hills Senior High School Choir, Pittsburgh, PA, 1989-1991 (soloist)
- Soprano, North Hills Senior High School Women's Ensemble, Pittsburgh, PA, 1988-1991
- Soprano, North Hills Junior High School Choir, Pittsburgh, PA, 1985-1988
- Singer, Perrysville Elementary School Fifth and Sixth Grade Choirs, Pittsburgh, PA, 1983-1985
MY TUMULTUOUS LOVE AFFAIR WITH OPERA AND SINGING:
I still clearly remember the first time I heard opera. I was a teenager watching a TV broadcast of Phantom of the Opera, and at one point the characters performed the finale of Gounod's Faust.
I've heard it said that, upon first hearing, people either completely love or viscerally hate opera. I remember feeling compelled to crouch down in front of the TV, almost with my nose to the screen, to relish the thrill of those gorgeous sounds washing over me like ocean waves. I remember feeling incredulous that human voices could be capable of such amazing beauty.
After that night, I made sure I caught every opera that aired on PBS, turning up the volume on the really cool parts, until my grandmother would lean over the upstairs banister and shriek at me to "turn that crap off!". It inspired me to become more involved in my high school choir, through which I became more and more interested in singing.
My choir teacher eventually offered me an opportunity to go to our state's Governor's School summer session for music, but I had to turn it down because my mom wouldn't let me go. I was also forbidden by my parents from pursuing music and/or art as a major in college, as they did not believe I could make a successful career out of either of those fields.
After receiving a degree in the only other creative discipline for which I felt any affinity (writing), and after searching for a job in my field long enough to cover the entire front and side of a refrigerator in rejection letters, and finally getting a receptionist job, I was feeling pretty...well, let's just be honest...extraordinarily low.
Then one day I heard an announcement on the radio advertising a community choir in the area where I had settled to work. Just the thought of singing with a choir again and having the validation of being surrounded by people who were as passionate about singing as I was, perked up my spirit. I auditioned for and was accepted into this group, as well as several other local singing groups, and suddenly, I had joy in my life again. I started taking voice lessons and delighted in the challenge of improving the quality of my singing. And my joy only increased when some of the area singers started a community opera program, and I not only got to sing with them, but also exercise my artistic side by helping to furnish props and set up the staging.
As this went on, I started to question the values my parents had passed down to me, specifically that the most important goal of my life should be to secure the highest paying job for which I could qualify. I started to question why I felt such a visceral sensation of being trapped when my dad said he wanted to take me around some of the major corporations in the area to see if I could get a higher paying job with one of them. Funny, no one had ever said anything to me about being happy... so I just assumed that that particular brand of misery just came with adulthood.
As if on cue, my voice teacher started encouraging me to audition for Youngstown State University's acclaimed Dana School of Music, and consider embarking on an actual career singing opera. At first I thought she was crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I found myself (and somewhat still do) caught between what I wanted to do and what I felt others expected me to do. The feeling of being caught between two worlds intensified as I prepared for this audition. After I auditioned, I was astonished to find out that the school not only accepted me, but also gave me a partial scholarship. Only God will ever know what a sweet victory that was...
However, faced with the reality of a major life change, I finally got up the courage to tell my family about my plans. They all expressed shock and dismay and tried their best to talk me out of going. I remember feeling like I was desperately treading water as this tidal wave of negativity washed over me. Complicating the matter was the fact that I would have to borrow the money for the rest of the tuition and find an evening job that I could work to support myself while I went to school.
I tried my best to hold my head up and push forward as I looked for that opportunity, while family members unmercifully pecked away at my confidence by proposing all sorts of doomsday scenarios they were sure would occur if went through with it. Their words continually echoed inside my head as the time drew near to start school, and I still hadn't found a job with the hours I needed, and it was starting to sink in just how many thousands of dollars of debt I would be taking on in this endeavor. My ability to savor the victory of realizing a dream became constantly overshadowed by stress, sorrow and doubt. My friends and my voice teacher tried to encourage me, but could do little else. I don't think I've ever felt as completely alone as I did during that time. I held out as long as I could, and when I still hadn't found the right job after the first three days of school, after which my student loans would officially be charged to me, my own fears and doubts finally succeeded in pulling me under. I withdrew from school and found out I'd lost my regular job all on the same day.
Looking back now, I really feel that was the most horrible day of my life. But I realized even then, that no matter how excruciating the pain of letting go was, I still didn't regret the attempt. I still consider it to be one of my greatest accomplishments; an accomplishment that no one can take away from me. And I can honestly say that I saw it through and did everything I possibly could to try and make it happen.
Eventually, I got my job back and started to try and figure out what to do, a process that was swiftly interrupted by a marriage proposal and a move to another state. Within two weeks of moving, I got a well paying office job, and spent the next year working and preoccupying myself with wedding plans.
Looking back now, I think it was a relief for me to make a fresh start and shut the door on what I considered the total disaster I had made of my life by going after my dreams. I sang in a community choir for a few years in our new home, but eventually my job became so stressful and demanding that it crowded even that small pleasure out. Church choir became the only thing left for me to cling to that could still connect me with my deep passion for singing. Otherwise I was a robot sitting at a desk day after day, year after year, counting the same money drawer, typing the same numbers into a computer, and pushing the same papers over and over again. Pain eventually turned to numbness as I went through the motions of life and did what I thought people did just to get by.
Then something happened that I never saw coming: my pain and an offhand comment by my pastor collided and started a chain reaction of events that led me to becoming a born again Christian and embarking on the adventure of having a personal relationship with God through Jesus. Eventually God led me to the truth that the creative gifts and desires He gave me are never going to just go away, and that at some point I would have to stop fighting them and figure out, with His help, how exactly He wanted me to use them. He eventually led me to quit my job so I could seek Him more fully for this guidance, and let Him rebuild my life the way He wanted. By His grace I have started singing with another community choir, through which I am rediscovering the pure joy of striving to become a better singer, something that I had shoved away into a dark corner of my mind out of fear and pain all those years ago.
Let me be clear: opera and singing have completely shattered my heart; but paradoxically have remained the same source of deep fulfillment and happiness that they have always been for me. God has helped me come to terms with the fact that they are, and always will be, a part of who I am, which has brought me much healing. As I am now coming toward the end of that process, God has told me specifically, through the Holy Spirit, that He gave me my voice for a reason; so without any sure idea of where He's leading me, I am taking Him by the hand in faith and trusting Him to take me to the place where His will and my fulfillment meet. Like I said, with God, it's always an adventure!
I've heard it said that, upon first hearing, people either completely love or viscerally hate opera. I remember feeling compelled to crouch down in front of the TV, almost with my nose to the screen, to relish the thrill of those gorgeous sounds washing over me like ocean waves. I remember feeling incredulous that human voices could be capable of such amazing beauty.
After that night, I made sure I caught every opera that aired on PBS, turning up the volume on the really cool parts, until my grandmother would lean over the upstairs banister and shriek at me to "turn that crap off!". It inspired me to become more involved in my high school choir, through which I became more and more interested in singing.
My choir teacher eventually offered me an opportunity to go to our state's Governor's School summer session for music, but I had to turn it down because my mom wouldn't let me go. I was also forbidden by my parents from pursuing music and/or art as a major in college, as they did not believe I could make a successful career out of either of those fields.
After receiving a degree in the only other creative discipline for which I felt any affinity (writing), and after searching for a job in my field long enough to cover the entire front and side of a refrigerator in rejection letters, and finally getting a receptionist job, I was feeling pretty...well, let's just be honest...extraordinarily low.
Then one day I heard an announcement on the radio advertising a community choir in the area where I had settled to work. Just the thought of singing with a choir again and having the validation of being surrounded by people who were as passionate about singing as I was, perked up my spirit. I auditioned for and was accepted into this group, as well as several other local singing groups, and suddenly, I had joy in my life again. I started taking voice lessons and delighted in the challenge of improving the quality of my singing. And my joy only increased when some of the area singers started a community opera program, and I not only got to sing with them, but also exercise my artistic side by helping to furnish props and set up the staging.
As this went on, I started to question the values my parents had passed down to me, specifically that the most important goal of my life should be to secure the highest paying job for which I could qualify. I started to question why I felt such a visceral sensation of being trapped when my dad said he wanted to take me around some of the major corporations in the area to see if I could get a higher paying job with one of them. Funny, no one had ever said anything to me about being happy... so I just assumed that that particular brand of misery just came with adulthood.
As if on cue, my voice teacher started encouraging me to audition for Youngstown State University's acclaimed Dana School of Music, and consider embarking on an actual career singing opera. At first I thought she was crazy, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I found myself (and somewhat still do) caught between what I wanted to do and what I felt others expected me to do. The feeling of being caught between two worlds intensified as I prepared for this audition. After I auditioned, I was astonished to find out that the school not only accepted me, but also gave me a partial scholarship. Only God will ever know what a sweet victory that was...
However, faced with the reality of a major life change, I finally got up the courage to tell my family about my plans. They all expressed shock and dismay and tried their best to talk me out of going. I remember feeling like I was desperately treading water as this tidal wave of negativity washed over me. Complicating the matter was the fact that I would have to borrow the money for the rest of the tuition and find an evening job that I could work to support myself while I went to school.
I tried my best to hold my head up and push forward as I looked for that opportunity, while family members unmercifully pecked away at my confidence by proposing all sorts of doomsday scenarios they were sure would occur if went through with it. Their words continually echoed inside my head as the time drew near to start school, and I still hadn't found a job with the hours I needed, and it was starting to sink in just how many thousands of dollars of debt I would be taking on in this endeavor. My ability to savor the victory of realizing a dream became constantly overshadowed by stress, sorrow and doubt. My friends and my voice teacher tried to encourage me, but could do little else. I don't think I've ever felt as completely alone as I did during that time. I held out as long as I could, and when I still hadn't found the right job after the first three days of school, after which my student loans would officially be charged to me, my own fears and doubts finally succeeded in pulling me under. I withdrew from school and found out I'd lost my regular job all on the same day.
Looking back now, I really feel that was the most horrible day of my life. But I realized even then, that no matter how excruciating the pain of letting go was, I still didn't regret the attempt. I still consider it to be one of my greatest accomplishments; an accomplishment that no one can take away from me. And I can honestly say that I saw it through and did everything I possibly could to try and make it happen.
Eventually, I got my job back and started to try and figure out what to do, a process that was swiftly interrupted by a marriage proposal and a move to another state. Within two weeks of moving, I got a well paying office job, and spent the next year working and preoccupying myself with wedding plans.
Looking back now, I think it was a relief for me to make a fresh start and shut the door on what I considered the total disaster I had made of my life by going after my dreams. I sang in a community choir for a few years in our new home, but eventually my job became so stressful and demanding that it crowded even that small pleasure out. Church choir became the only thing left for me to cling to that could still connect me with my deep passion for singing. Otherwise I was a robot sitting at a desk day after day, year after year, counting the same money drawer, typing the same numbers into a computer, and pushing the same papers over and over again. Pain eventually turned to numbness as I went through the motions of life and did what I thought people did just to get by.
Then something happened that I never saw coming: my pain and an offhand comment by my pastor collided and started a chain reaction of events that led me to becoming a born again Christian and embarking on the adventure of having a personal relationship with God through Jesus. Eventually God led me to the truth that the creative gifts and desires He gave me are never going to just go away, and that at some point I would have to stop fighting them and figure out, with His help, how exactly He wanted me to use them. He eventually led me to quit my job so I could seek Him more fully for this guidance, and let Him rebuild my life the way He wanted. By His grace I have started singing with another community choir, through which I am rediscovering the pure joy of striving to become a better singer, something that I had shoved away into a dark corner of my mind out of fear and pain all those years ago.
Let me be clear: opera and singing have completely shattered my heart; but paradoxically have remained the same source of deep fulfillment and happiness that they have always been for me. God has helped me come to terms with the fact that they are, and always will be, a part of who I am, which has brought me much healing. As I am now coming toward the end of that process, God has told me specifically, through the Holy Spirit, that He gave me my voice for a reason; so without any sure idea of where He's leading me, I am taking Him by the hand in faith and trusting Him to take me to the place where His will and my fulfillment meet. Like I said, with God, it's always an adventure!
WHY I ENJOY SINGING SO MUCH:
It was (and still is) a thrill for me to learn how to make the type of sounds I heard so long ago on TV, and know that I am capable of creating that kind of excellence and beauty in music. It's even more thrilling too contemplate that there will never be an end to learning how to become a better singer and grow as musician. I also enjoy the fact that there is so much room for creative expression in the singing of a simple phrase -volume, tempo, the duration of each note, even the form of a vowel or the accent of a consonant - all of those things can be combined in infinite variations in any song to achieve the desired effect. I also find it fascinating that in the act of singing, I am not only exercising my own creativity, but also participating in the creativity of the composer by bringing his/her work to life. Then there is the emotional aspect of singing and music in general, in that it often serves as a superior vehicle for conveying emotion rather than just words alone. I'm sure that anyone who appreciates music has experienced that truth. Creative expression is as much emotional as it is technical; and I have found it many times to be a way of unburdening my heart when I couldn't express it any other way. Finally, it has been an absolute delight to share my passion with other singers to create a work of art together that is far more beautiful and interesting than any of us could have created on our own. Singing in different choirs throughout the years has been one of the greatest fulfilling joys of my life, and I plan to keep on singing in this life and the next!